Keep Calm…and Don't be a Jerk, ok?

Monthly Archives: February 2013

This post, like my last one has been percolating in my head and in conversations with my husband, a close friends. My intention is not to open a can of worms, but to try to understand and articulate my thoughts on this aspect of humanity.  So please, read only with an open heart and an open mind.  I have given a lot of thought, done a lot of research, and prayed about writing this. I feel strongly that I cannot be quiet, nor can I stand by while such hatred and judgement is passed out in the name of God. I write this from a place of love, I write this from the place of a faulty imperfect person, I am trying (and probably failing) to write this without passing out judgement on those who believe differently than I. But write this I do, because I have to stand up for what is right, what is true, what is love, what is kind, what is good.


This whole thing started last week when my cousin wrote a post comparing the Sandy Hook shooting to abortion. More or less stating that it wasn’t right for the country to mourn the Sandy Hook victims while abortion is still legal.  This was the first I’ve heard of this parallel being drawn, and after much research have since discovered that this idea was created and is being perpetuated by the pro-life movement. This idea bothers me. The Sandy Hook shooting was horrible and tragic. One man chose to take the life of 20 children and their 6 caretakers. ONE MAN; took the life of 26, and then his own. Why should the president be condemned for offering his prayers, his tears, his desire to protect these children? (Who were loved, and cared for.) I commented that it’s not fair to compare the two. Abortion is a deeply personal decision, it is made by the mother alone, it is made before the child even draws it’s first breath. I said it’s not fair to use the Sandy Hook kids as a political platform, not while their families still grieve for them. And so began my interesting journey into the ongoing debate of pro-life vs. pro-choice. You are welcome to pop over and read the disappointing “discussion” that ensued from that comment. The only answers I received were non-sensical, non-relevant, non-bending. I had hoped for a more intelligent debate, but this was not to be the case. So off I went to do some research!

This has been a very enlightening journey, to be fair I scoured websites from both sides. I looked up the bible verses most used by pro-lifers to support their side. Pro-choice doesn’t  tend to quote the bible. Nonetheless I reviewed those biblical principles of faith upon which my beliefs rest; and found confirmation that we are not meant to perpetuate such condemnation upon others. Also in my research I found interesting information supporting the biblical value of the woman over that of her unborn child, and the lack of solid biblical footing these Pro-life folks have.

I have to be honest, 100% of the official pro-choice websites are professional, well documented, provide information about everything from safe sex-ed, adoption, raising it on your own, abortion. They are full of stories of women (and men) who each made their choice. Not all of them choose abortion. Contrary to what the pro-lifers would have you believe. Women make these decisions for a HUGE variety of reasons. They come from all walks of life, they are all different ages, races, tax brackets. NONE of them took that decision lightly. But they are all glad to have had a choice. There are many stories from older women who remember the days before abortion was legal. Stories of botched illegal abortions, of women who died because of physical complications with the pregnancy that could have been saved with an abortion, stories of women who died having tried to do it themselves with a coat hanger, stories of women who were shamed, scared and abandoned. These stories should scare the crap out of any woman, or man who has loved a woman. Making abortion illegal will not stop abortions, it will simply return us to the dark ages when women are not trusted to be responsible for themselves. (By the way, 95% of the pro-life websites I visited were disorganized, full of hateful phrases, and full of stories of well-off, well-supported (usually married) people giving their deformed babies a chance to live. Bless them for sacrificing their lives for the child, but not everyone is lucky enough to be in such a stable environment)

We deserve

So here’s my questions for the pro-life crowd. You say that we are alive from the moment of conception. Until that baby is born it CANNOT survive without the mother. (Unless we get into test tube babies, which I assume you are against)  So for 9 months the mother must give of her body, blood and emotional spirit. Would you be so cruel as to ask the rape or incest victim to be reminded daily of the sex she was forced to have? Have you no compassion for the pain and un-love she is already feeling? Should we not comfort and console her, let her know that she is not alone, and if she does not have the strength to carry on she won’t be forced to? I’m sorry, but carrying and giving birth is a deeply physical and emotional experience, it shouldn’t be done just for the sake of it.

What about the women who have done everything to prevent a pregnancy through contraception. (which I understand you are also against.) You HAVE to understand that the reality is, people have sex outside of marriage. They just do. They always have and they always will. Just because YOU believe it to be wrong, doesn’t mean that everyone else does. Rather than condemn these “whores” (as some of you have so kindly called them) the loving thing to do is make sure that they are safe. Provide them with a solid education, tell them about STD’s, about pregnancy, about birth defects, give them the tools to make smart decisions. Teach them how to properly use contraception so if they ARE going to have sex, at least they can protect themselves from infection  and pregnancy. This goes for the boys too. You say these women are whores, but last I checked a man has to be involved in order for a girl to get pregnant. Shouldn’t you be teaching your men to be good and honorable, to stand by their women no matter what? (Interesting enough, according to the U.S. Census men ages 15-44 have an average of 5 sexual partners. Women; only 3. Who’s whoring it up again?)

Speaking of men. How can you expect a woman to care for and raise a child all by herself? The sad reality is that a lot of these men leave the women they impregnate. Heaven bless the woman that has a good support system of friends and family in place that would help her raise the child; but she is not the majority. Many of these single mothers rely heavily on government assistance in the form of welfare, food stamps and public housing. The very programs that you protest against. Angered that your tax dollars would go to help those in need. Is this not the very thing that we are called to do? To help those in need? And all those women upon whom you forced motherhood will desperately need help. Why should the young woman just starting her life be condemned to a life of poverty, of struggle? Her children condemned to be raised on crap food (food stamps hardly cover healthy food), without their mother around much, with no father, with no money for college. Most single mothers work multiple jobs just to make ends meet, a lot of them don’t get the chance for a higher education. My mother-in-law raised my husband on her own and she worked herself nearly to death doing it, he spent much of his childhood alone. It is by God’s grace that he turned out as well as he did. You who are so adamant that these children be born, yet abandon them as soon as they are.

“Well there’s always adoption!” you say. There are thousands of infertile couples who want babies. Have you ever looked into the adoption process? It is long and arduous and EXPENSIVE? Who the hell is getting all this money the parents fork over? (truly I don’t know. Many parents cover the medical costs of the woman, but that doesn’t add up to the total sum of money they ultimately pay to adopt a baby) Adoption may be the choice for some women, and bless her if she has the strength to do so. But I ask you this, if there are so many eager parents out there, why are there still 420,000+ children in the foster system? Because they had the misfortune of getting older. How selfish to only adopt babies. The children who are already in the system desperately need the love, care and stability that most of these hopeful parents claim to offer. There are still people old enough to remember orphanages. (Which still exist in the world) big huge buildings full of children who have no mother, no father. Do they not desperately need our love?

My beef with pro-life is this. It is unrealistic. It is based in religion (which means resulting laws force those with different beliefs than yours bow to your beliefs. How can you ask that of someone when you will not do the same?) It is condemning, judgmental and unloving. If you are against abortion, that’s fine. Don’t get one. But until you have walked in another’s shoes you simply CAN NOT understand what she is going through. If you’re so hell bent on forcing these babies into the world, please tell me what you plan on doing to support them and their mothers? (Truly I would LOVE an answer to that question!)

Pro choice does not automatically mean abortion. It means that each and every woman has a right to unbiased information on all her options. It means that women have the right to sex education, to contraception, to have access to inexpensive female health procedures (Like pap smears, and yearly exams) They have a right to be treated with respect, love and dignity no matter what road they choose to walk. You can not choose anyone’s path but your own.

It saddens me greatly to see “christians” behave in such an unloving manner. You claim to believe and live by the bible, but what of our New Testament calling? The greatest commandment is to love God, and to love one another. (Matt 22:37-40 & Mark 12:28-34) To not judge lest we be judged by the same standards, to not condemn lest we be condemned? (Matt 7:1-6 & Luke 6:37-38)  To forgive men their sins so that we might be forgiven of ours. (Matt 6:15)


We live in a broken world, we are all flawed and imperfect. You may not agree with abortion, but you have zero rights to force that belief on anyone else, nor to make them feel ashamed or afraid. We are called to love. That’s all. When we are perfect sinless people then we can throw the stones. But until then unless you will speak from a place of love and support, shut up and leave those poor women alone. You do not know what storm they walk through.

I welcome any and all sides to comment, but please, be kind, think about what you are saying, use proper english, and remember that the world does not revolve around you.